TOP TEN REASONS MARRIAGES FAIL

Top Ten Reasons Marriages Fail

The divorce rate in the United States is about 50 percent. So if you are getting married now you have a 50/50 chance of not getting a divorce. Watching a young couple at their big wedding when they are obviously so full of love and joy, one can't help but wonder what goes wrong so often that the divorce rate is so high? Here are a few of the reasons that half the marriages fail. Don't be discouraged. Unconditional love heals all.

1. Marriages don't work when a husband and wife do not have a deep mutual respect for each other. We all deserve respect, and we deserve it especially from those we are closest to. No one wants to live in a relationship in which they feel humiliated by a constant lack of respect.

2. Marriages don't work because couples have the wrong idea about marriage. They think it means that they can't go out with their friends on their own anymore, have time for their self, enjoy their former hobbies and sports, etc. Who wouldn't want a divorce in this twosome prison? There is no marriage rule that says you can only do things when you do them together. That gets tedious. Loosen up and be yourself and have have fun. You'll have more to offer to your spouse when you come home.

3. It's sad to say but sometimes marriages don't work out because one or both parties in the couple have no idea what unconditional love is. They confuse it with romantic love which is some kind of temporary crush that is exciting while it lasts, but doesn't much hold together for the long haul and the tough times. You make a decision to stand in love. Falling in love is for characters in the movies. Consequently, without unconditional love, spouses are ready to give up on the marriage the first time there is a problem.

4. Sometimes one or both parties are just too immature and self-centered as well as selfish to be comfortably married. If they were spoiled as children or are just used to getting their own way most of the time, marriage can be a rude awakening. Each selfish person believes that if the other really loved them they would give in and do things their way or give them something they want. Marriage isn't built on that basis. Marriage is built on unconditional love, yes, but it's built on compromise and sharing. When partners are too caught up in their own egos and childish notions of "romantic love" the marriage becomes doomed without some serious intervention.

5. Marriages fail because couples don't communicate. They don't even share their wants and needs, especially not if they're sexual. They expect their spouse to be psychic. They don't talk out problems because it's too uncomfortable. They don't talk about marital issues for fear of hurting the other's feelings or starting a fight. More things remain bottled up until one day there is a big explosion, and it's off to divorce court before the marriage ever really had a chance. If you can't communicate openly and honestly, get the help of a competent marriage counselor or couples therapist.

6. Marriages fail because couples stop making time for each other and they don't have alone time either. In this economy anyone who has a job is happy to work as many hours as possible or even to work two or three jobs. The marriage suffers, of course, when there is never time to spend as a couple, catching up, having sex, going out, or just talking. Some couples have a Post-it note relationship for years, and then seriously wonder what went wrong when they get the divorce papers.

And every individual, even married ones, needs alone time to renew and restore. When all you do is work and take care of the house and kids there is no time just for you. Not being able to charge your personal batteries takes a real toll on the individual and consequently on the marriage. It may be worth looking into as to whether you can afford to live more frugally so you can have more time for yourself and your spouse.

7. Pure and simple boredom can lead to divorce. Do you know what she is going to say before she opens her mouth. Can you predict his every move from the time he gets home from work until he goes to bed? Do you live in a rut? What happened to spontaneity? It may be time to charge up your marriage before it's too late.

Do something like choosing a certain night of the week to be date night just for the two of you and don't let anything postpone that date. Take sick days from work and stay in bed all day playing, talking and remembering what it was about this person that attracted you in the first place. Plan little surprises for your spouse. Do something out of the ordinary once in a while. Take up a new hobby or interest to make it harder for your spouse to guess what you will say or do next.

8. Marriages fail because of money. Mostly, of course, that there is never enough. Don't waste all your good years fighting about money. Hire a financial planner if necessary to help you sit down and write out a budget that you both can live with and then stick to it. Have a financial planner help you set up a plan for long-range financial planning so there is less to worry about. Decide if "our" money is a good idea or if you should go back to each keeping your own money if you both work. Do something now and do it fast. Finances are a big cause of marital discord.

9. Infidelity is one of the top reasons that marriages fail. Did you both really mean your wedding vows? Do you both believe in the sanctity of marriage? There's no such thing as going outside of the marriage for a little excitement. That thrill could change your life and put an end to something you cherish if discovered. And what if you fall in love with someone else as a result of your affair? Have you thought what this would do to your spouse? You may only know spouses who cheat, but not all married people cheat which is probably why 50 percent of marriages do make it. Don't make this fatal mistake. You may be giving up more than you know.

10. Sexual incompatibility can lead to a failed marriage. Sometimes one partner just loses their sex drive with time due to age, illness, hormone imbalance, stress, or feeling taken for granted among other reasons. Marriage partners have a sexual commitment to one another. When one partner wants to stop having sex or just goes through the motions, the couple needs some major help and they need it fast. Either one or both of the partners will go outside of the marriage to meet their needs, or someone will just say to hell with it and get a divorce.

Sexual problems can be fixed where there is unconditional love. Tenderness, nurturing, kindness and gentleness applied generously can work magic. Get help. Find a sexual therapist, marriage counselor or psychologist or social worker therapist. Don't wait. It is a serious problem that absolutely can end a marriage. There may be so much bitterness after a while that neither partner even wants to discuss getting help. But do it for the sake of the love you once had and still might have.

Remember, with love and honesty, all of these problems and others can be stepping stones and not stumbling blocks in your marriage. But a marriage takes work and effort. You've made a big investment. Now work on paying those dividends.