SHOULD YOU INTERFERE IN A FRIEND'S RELATIONSHIP?

What to do when loves appears to be truly blind: Your best friend is in a relationship that is not healthy for her, and you're not the only one seeing it for what it is. Other friends have urged her to break it off. She has come to you to complain about these friends and their interference in her personal affairs. But you want to tell her to break it off too. What can you do?

She may need a friend who will tell her the truth like she has never needed one before if drugs and/or alcohol are involved. Is the partner abusive as a result of using and/or drinking? Is he or she violent? Has he/she already put her in the hospital or clinic at least once? You simply have to speak up if you are a real friend. Get some Al-Anon literature, the program for the significant other of a drinking/using mate, and see that your friend reads it carefully and really considers attending some meetings. He or she may have become what's called co-dependency which means they are addicted to the person's disease process and can't seem to break off the relationship even when they know it is sick and bringing them down.

Is the partner overly jealous? Do they insist on being with your friend 24/7. Jealousy and controlling is not a sign of love. Have they criticized your friend's ideas, belittled their feelings and made them afraid to disagree with them? Is your friend just plain afraid of their partner? Your friend may desperately be in need of a friend to set things right. He or she isn't in love. They are being controlled and manipulated in a very unhealthy manner. Someone needs to help your friend see what is happening even if it places the friendship at risk.

Does the partner's temper and rages scare your friend into inaction and not speaking up? Someone needs to support her now and that friend just may be you for better or for worse. Ask yourself how you would feel if you did and said nothing, and something terrible happened.

Does the partner encourage your friend to avoid friends and activities that were an important part of your friend's life? This type of isolation is unhealthy and leads to further problems.

When one partner in a relationship exercises power and control over the partner by threatening or actually practicing violence, the relationship is unhealthy and could possibly become dangerous. Verbal, emotional and sexual abuse are often present as well in an unhealthy relationship. Don't wait until your friend is a statistic to reach out to help him or her.

Deciding if a relationship is unhealthy or not can be tricky. Your friend may not need your advice right now so much as a loving ear to just listen. Trust your friend to have the answers inside and be there for them without telling them what to do if the situation is not third degree yet and the kind of behaviors listed here have not yet occurred.