HOW TO JOIN A COLLEGE SORORITY

My daughter Sonja was away from home for the first time when she went to college in another state. She knew no one there except for one girl she had gone to high school with, but they were only acquaintances. Joining her sorority gave her a richness of friendship, commitment and increased appreciation for her academic life. She made friends she will probably have for a lifetime, and gained a social network she can call on as she begins her career. I gained a whole new respect for Greek life. I am ashamed to say it, but when I went to college I secretly mocked fraternities and sororities and anyone who was silly enough to be in one. I was certain they were all snobs. I am definitely whistling another tune now.

She began her adventure in Greek life by doing her homework. She investigated the sorority chapters on her campus. She located their national organizational websites for more information. It was a whole new world to her.

What impressed me most was that it was not the ladies having tea, pretentious phoniness that I had stereotyped it to be. My daughter told me she pledged the sorority she did join because the women were down to earth, feminists, and somewhat rebellious in attitude as was she. She had done a lot of volunteer work while in high school and she liked it that the sorority she chose strongly believed in service work. She began by going to rush events at several sororities she was interested in joining. She tried very hard to just be herself and to not be intimidated. She didn't want to join a sorority where she felt she couldn't be herself. She enjoyed talking to the women about their sororities, classes and personal interests, and was interested to hear what they had to say about their sororitys and living in the houses. She wanted to know what it was like to live in each house. She reminded me of Goldilocks and the Three Bears as she recalled for me how one house was too big (reeked of attitude), and another too small (gossip and infighting). The one that was just right was the one she most wanted and for which she got a bid. A bid is a vote that sorority members give to rushees that they want to invite to join.

Things she did during rush week included getting a rush buddy to attend events with, dress appropriately and according to the day's theme, smile a lot, and get to know everyone. She also minded her manners, and was sure to thank everyone for their graciousness.

Then it was time to apply. She filled out her application as honestly as she could because she wanted to make sure she would be a good fit for the house and the house would be a good fit for her. It was just right. She readily accepted her bid.

Then it was time to pledge. She went through various tasks meant to test her to find out what she was made of and how she operated. She had to prove herself to her new sisters. Another misconception I had had about Greek life was that I fear she might have to endure a difficult period of hazing. Shows what I know, because there was no hazing. There were surprise parties and presents. My little girl seemed comfortably wrapped in a beautiful homemade quilt of love.

Sororities are also a financial commitment. Fortunately she knew she could afford the sorority before she applied. It must be embarrassing to learn later how expensive joining is and that you can't afford it.

She spent all four years living in her sorority house and, at one point, became the house manager. The house was so beautiful and spacious I wanted to move in too. The women worked hard and they enjoyed playing too. She dreamed up the house's surprise "code blue". She and a handful of sisters planned a night when they would stay up and decorate everything in the house that could be changed blue. I went with her to the dollar store and watched as she bought bags full of everything from blue-coloring for all of the toilets to blue party hats and horns. There were blue tablecloths for breakfast that morning and all of the dinnerware, silverware and cups were blue. There was blue everywhere. The women seemed to enjoy it once they got over their shock.

She retained a great sense of pride about her sorority. She stopped to show me a fleur-de-lis whenever she saw one and again reminded me that that was her house's symbol. In fact, the front door had a beautiful etched stained glass fleur-de-lis. I got to know many of her sisters and was so impressed with them all. They proved to be friends worth keeping forever, and were there for her in countless ways on good days and on the bad ones too.